National ‘Tell A Story’ Day
We all love a good story, so here is one that I didn’t make up earlier…I’m writing as I go, so let’s see what madness ensues!
Just the other day, Commander Shepherd was visiting his favourite store on the Citadel. He seemed to be in a pleasant mood, for he was skipping like a girl, singing ‘Material Girl’ by Madonna, and guzzling cheese strings like a maniac. After much merriment, Shepherd decided to sit quietly for a moment, as he felt that he may have sprained his ankle. No more than two minutes later, a road appeared out of nowhere, which seemed to be made out of a rainbow…
Shepherd glanced at it and yelled, “I know that road… It’s the work of Satan himself! I could never complete that Rainbow Road level on Mario Kart”. All of a sudden, Mario & Luigi came shooting down the road and into the Citadel, screaming “ZOMBIES!!”. Shepherd looked back at the road and saw a cascade of zombies come sliding down Rainbow Road. He screamed like a little girl and dropped his strawberries and cream frappuccino.
Now, Shepherd isn’t very good in these situations and just appeared to stand there with a quivering bottom lip and tears in his eyes. He was almost zombie toast when a huge tank burst through the entrance of the Citadel (we’re unsure as to how a tank managed to reach outer space, let alone rise off the ground, so we’ll just have to use our imaginations). Out popped those original zombie slayers, Bill, Francis, Louis and Zoe!
They seemed to be doing an alright job at getting rid of the undead outbreak, but Louis was useless as he had spotted the medical cabinet and was eating all of the pills in fits of hysteria. Master Chief even joined in for a brief moment, but then resumed smoking his pipe and conducting an imaginary orchestra. Shepherd was hiding behind a nearby shrubbery and crying, uncontrollably. He thought that his beloved Citadel was about to fall apart, until a miracle ensued.
Almost out of nowhere (and this is outer space we’re talking about), Edward Kenway?! He was standing in a pose, which made him look like he knew what he was doing, and started throwing explosive barrels at the oncoming hoard (these barrels just kept on coming. May have been a glitch or just pure magic. Who knows?!). After much barrel throwing and very masculine cries, Kenway had stopped the zombie apocalypse! There was much rejoicing and Louis even stopped knocking back the contents of the medical cabinet to celebrate Kenway’s triumph.
Shepherd noticed the rejoicing and stood up from behind the shrubbery. Kenway spotted the snivelling wreck; his face all red from crying too much. Shepherd wiped the tears from his eyes and Kenway dropped his remaining barrels. Master Chief turned towards them and started conducting the balcony scene theme from Romeo and Juliet, as the two ran towards each other and enjoyed a hearty, but very manly, hug. Outer space was restored once again, and Shepherd bought Kenway a pumpkin spice latte for his victory. The two became the best of friends and they lived on a ship together. Which was poorly made by Shepherd and sunk not long after it’s Christening.
Categories: Life at Large