A Weird Random Take on Fortnitemares Updates and More

4min
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The Cube Queen Cometh!

Here’s the lowdown on every major addition Epic Games has made to Fortnite!

Part Won: Fortnite Shop Cosmetics.

Gather round, step right up, we got your purple-floaty turbulence tubes, we got your orangey-sandy sand-like areas, we got your STILL-DEMOLISHED SLURPY SWAMP FACTORY! Honestly Epic, that was one of the best locations in the ga- We got a metric booty-tonne of costumes including:

  • Customisable hoodies with quirky masks that carry the ‘steal-worthy girlfriend standard’ stamp of approval.
  • Rickolas Grimeyboi, Nina Michonne and Daryl Dixiechicks from MAC’s The Walking Dude.
  • Oh, the Cobra Kai Skeleton gang are straight killing it!
  • The day Timothee Chalamet came to Fortnite was the most orgasmic day of your lives. For me, it was Tuesday.
  • The day Zendaya came to Fortnite was basically the same joke as before, but reversed.
  • Not just one, but TWO flavors of Ariana Grande: Sultry cosmic pop idol or space-faring demon lord.
  • Mucha Lucha!
  • BASket bÖLL.
  • Zombies. Zombies Everywhere.
  • 10 DC superhero skins.
  • And a partridge in a pear tree.

I’m exaggerating, but not by much.

Part Too: Fortnitemares Enemies

Along with the zombie-adjacent cube monsters, we now see the addition of whole new hulking Goliaths in the form of The Caretakers with tentacle-like tendrils that are deadly in their ability to wrap around you, pull you in close and- BILLY NO!

Stand Master: Caretaker. Stand Name: Caretaker.

Part Thrix: Fortnitemares Weapons and Items.

  • Pumpkin-spiced Rocket Launchers.
  • A glorified Gardening tool for harvesting wheat popular with Grim Reapers.
  • Brewmz. Excuse me while I kiss the sky.
  • Free candy, hold the white vans.

Part For: Really happy that Horde Rush and cosmetic rewards for quests tied to it are a thing again. Just an all around great mode I’m looking forward to enjoying with my friends once I clock in for the day.

Fortnite is available for PC, PS4, PS5, Switch, Xbox One, and Xbox Series X/S.

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