The Dark Souls of Minigames: Google Doodle

You know those times when Google switches up it’s search engine logo along with some kinda theme? Like when you could click a play button on it to be transported to a JRPG-style minigame selection in celebration of Japan’s Olympics? That’s Google Doodle, and the next one is apparently harder than Don Giovanni on a warm summer day.

If you thought Pizzagate was weird, get a load of this!

https://twitter.com/GoogleDoodles/status/1467720483932094469?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1467720483932094469%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fmashable.com%2Farticle%2Fgoogle-doodle-pizza-game

The aim of the game is to go chippity-choppity for a specific number of pizza slices with a limited number of cuts available to you. Then things progress when you have to get specific toppings on certain slices, etc etc.

Why pizza? Turns out that on this day in 2007, ‘the culinary art of Neapolitan ‘Pizzaiuolo’ was inscribed on the UNESCO Representative List of the Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity’.

Why am I covering this? Because I have this weird fetish that makes me want to do something fun to distract from all the horrible stuff in the game industry I’ve covered from alleged nonces in charge of PlayStation to literally everything Activision Blizzard has been up to! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to play a children’s minigame, so I may be able to give you all a lightly funny review of it!

That was a little underwhelming. It’s hard to get a perfect 3 stars on all the tasks, I’ll give it that, but you can scrape by on one-star random hacky-slashies without really having to worry about failure… EUREKA! I’VE GOT IT! I’m going to try and see if the game has a failure state! I’ll try drawing up teeny tiny itsy bitsy little crust slices and see how that goes!

Okay, so you CAN fail in the game! Let’s see, what else can I fudge around with? The game sure is making me hungry with all that pizza talk! The piano music is quite nice. Very smooth, contemplative, but also rhythmic with those little samba-shakey sounds. Maybe I’ll try making a Pizza rap out of it!

Side tangent before I go on, have a looksie at my colleague’s blog on Venba, an upcoming (or possibly already out) story-based cooking game on PC. Think a mashup of Cooking Mama (psst! which we have!) and Spiritfarer.

Well… I discovered a new method of torturing war criminals. Just tell them to try and rap to an oddly-specific piano instrumental to a Google Doodle game and the self-inflicted cringe will be so much that they’ll spill the beans on everything!

Broke: Waterboarding. Woke: Cringe-torture!

Before you head off, we’ve got lots of non Google related deals and voucher codes available, so get em while they’re hot. But like, hot in the fun way, not the illegal way… I mean, sometimes hot can be fun in the illegal way if you’re talking about the 50+ countries that make being LGBT a crime, but- STOLEN, the initial joke was meant to be stolen! No, I didn’t steal the joke Brenda, I was talking about the first sentence of- Nevermind, ROLL IN THE AD!