Lottie from Animal Crossing. A random character from a game I never played whomst I continue to know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT to this day!

So, why is it my Product Poems (more on that here) on Lottie resulted in a bunch of insane innuendos and nonsequitirs claiming this character is a violently horny man eater? Well, I’ll attempt to tell you in this blog before I share a highlights reel of my questionable-taste Lottie jokes!

Honestly? I have no idea why Lottie specifically, but I do have some theories: For starters, most of my product poems were in a haiku format. I wanted to spice things up with a different formula, so I landed on a “man from Nantucket”-inspired formula because I find it funny… It also happens that Nantucket poem is incredibly salacious and filthy in the best way possible (the version I heard, at least). My picking a Lottie Amiibo’s maiden honor to defile is just a happy coincidence and you’re just gonna have to trust me on that.

With that out the way, hope you enjoy this highlight reel of my best Lottie jokes folks!

There was once a young woman called Aloy, who’s south-end faced west like McCoys! Surely forbidden, so purely well-hidden, till coming under Lottie‘s employ.

“I’m Lottie, please take me… Wait, wha- NO! Not like that, pervert”!

There’s an AMIIBO from Tazmilly Village. With magic so strong, he could pillage! With a thrust and some thunder from somewhere down-under, he caught a glimpse of Lottie’s cleavage.

There was once an AMIIBO called Bowser, called Lucas to talk about flowers. With a hand-each from Lottie, Tom Nook’s favorite totty, they said “let’s give these buds a shower”.

There was once an AMIIBO named Lottie, who Villager found quite the totty. Had a WiFi connection and well-timed erection, but Last of Us 2 still won GOTY.

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The post Lottie The Tottie – A Hilarious Animal Crossing Story first appeared on Get2Gaming.

Regular readers will know I am the auteur who’s mad mind brought the world of Product Poetry to life!

Product Poems were birthed from my lizard-brain while thinking of funny ways to insert product links from the store into blogs, as that’s part of how Go2Games makes that greenback. That paper. Moola. Dough. CREAM. The Benjamins- I mean Elizabeths!

So, without further ado, here’s a collection of my favorite Product Poems.

Bobby Kotick, small streaming stick. Purge from Blizzard like Morty, Rick.

There was once an AMIIBO from Hyrule. I lied, no, there’s actually two! Though I implied a lie, that plot twist aside, wish online was in Nioh 2.

Boba Fett takes to Battlefront 2 like a scruffy-looking Nerf Herder takes to shampoo.

There was once an Amiibo called Mario. Who rose to fight dragons, you know. Come lava or snow- oh, look out below, that goomba got smashed in the plateau.

Red Dead Redemption. G’s of Tsushi. Do you want both? Give money.

Mario’s Jump is a tour-de-Force. A dead-beaten horse, of course.

Ghostrunner, anti-gunner, slice-dicer, cyber punk cipher. Sold!

Evil, evil, evil residents. Coin, coin, coin. Abandon.

Chronos before ashes, a God. A God before ashes? A thought.

Dark pictures, a thousand words unseen, masquerade and mock mankind.

Fractured, but whole. This is mine. Fractured, but whole. Yours too tonight?

“Annie, get your gun, gal“! Her mech appeared. “Shooty bang-bang, y’all”!

There was once an AMIIBO called Jump-Man, a plumber who had a nice rump-tan. Bare for the sun on his day off just once, then a fireteam thumped on his pump, man.

“Yer a wizard, Harry“. I’m a what? “Deaf too, I suppose”. You wot?

Keep your breath minty fresh, or your last laugh, friends will detest… FORTNITE!

Monkeys. Monkeys everywhere. Return to Monke. Yes I am, CJ.

Whoop, whoop. It’s the sound of the police. Here, they lie. Here comes the judge.

No straight roads? That’s what he said! I’ll get it! “Not at 3am hun”.

There was once a young woman named Barbie, one day she got bit by a zombie! But she didn’t turn, for soon she would learn, she had no brains- “oh, harder Harvey”!

Dual charging dock. The lover’s rock. For you see… Shared gaming hobby.

The Simsons. Schitt’s Greak. Casuno Royale. Salt n Peppa Pig. Hoink.

Doom Eternal. Cute inferno. Shooty-bang-bang on hell spawn, yo.

Hasbro, Hasn’tsis? Enemy stand or friendsit? Sorry children.

Very very Vale… Oh, the T is silent? Django called!

Blacksad… Will Smith. Whitehappy? Mr Rogers.. Whitesad? Bo Burnham?

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The post Product Poetry: Gaming, Advertising &… Art? first appeared on Get2Gaming.

Controversial BOILING Hottake incoming, but Hollow Knight is a great game! Yeah, an indie darling that got good reviews definitely needed the input of a random Breadtube Leftist 5 years after release.

Jokes aside, I’m glad to be writing about this game. If I had to sum up Hollow Knight in one sentence: Complex without being complicated.

A Beginner-Friendly Soulslike? In my humble opinion, Hollow Knight is a great combination of Dark Souls difficulty and user-friendly introductions to mechanics. You still have to use a healthy dash (literally and figuratively) of creative thinking with the mechanics to progress at times, but every basic skill you learn is tutorialised in a fun way. The only thing the game doesn’t explicitly tell you is holding down the jump button longer or shorter is extremely useful for dodging many boss attacks.

As you explore the world, movement throughout it also becomes more viscerally enjoyable. Discovering dashes, wall-climbing and more skills drastically influences your gameplay style, like adding a new topping to the proverbial digital pizza!

First learn stand, then learn fly: You start off with nothing but a sword and ‘soul’ gauge. Hitting most non-boss enemies pushes you away from them slightly in a way that encourages a pattern of forward-moving rhythmic slashes at first before paying more attention to attack patterns as time goes on. Every time you slash some unfortunate chibi bug-creature, your soul gauge fills up a little. On a full tank (upgrades notwithstanding), you can heal up to three ‘masks’ (your healthbar system). I like this system because although you won’t be able to get through parts of the game without hitting a certain skill ceiling, it encourages exploration of the vast world. Exploration leads to finding useful items or skills. Useful items and skills lead to you becoming more powerful. Let’s talk about those items, shall we?

Charmed to make your acquaintance: Throughout the game, you can buy or unlock charms. You can only use a limited number of them depending how many notches you have (which can be increased with future unlocks). Alternatively, you can ‘overcharm’ yourself by turning yourself into a charmed Everything Burger to use all the skills at once with the added risk of taking extra damage.

Different charm combinations offer different powers and advantages in gameplay, so I highly recommend experimenting with them. In addition, some bonus areas in-game can be unlocked by wearing a specific charm to a location, usually one that matches the aesthetic of your charm. Among my favorite charm combinations is the Defender’s Crest and Glowing Womb, which gradually drains some of your soul in exchange for a… Mutually beneficial explosion, let’s say.

I play for the plot… Wait- NO, not that one! Which is to say, most of the Soulslike games I play don’t have the best story delivery. Reading item descriptions can unfortunately feel like homework at times and needing that baseline knowledge to understand what the NPC locals are on about can be a pain, which is a shame because I really like story-based games. I imagine my mild story-based gripe with Bloodborne is because reading item descriptions can feel like busywork that’s cutting into your gameplay time, rather than a diegetic moment of exposition… So why on God’s green earth do I think Hollow Knight does that in a way that’s fun!?

Hard to articulate in a way, but I can’t express enough how much the world of Hollow Knight evokes a sense of wonder and curiosity. You have one brief opening crawl at the beginning, a hauntingly ominous cutscene where your character looks like a traumatized soldier, then boom. The music kicks in, you talk to the local (soon to be locals), and off you trot throughout the world. Finding a new character out in the wild really feels like an oddly wholesome affair, even when some interactions leave you dreading whatever’s being foreshadowed.

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The post Of Bugs and Men: My Hollow Knight Journey & Review first appeared on Get2Gaming.

The majority of my Star Trek knowledge comes from a smattering of YouTube clips, a half-remembered Film Theory anecdote, “why does God need a star ship” and Shaun’s brief analysis of the Ferengi in his Harry Potter retrospective. But hey, I like a challenge, plus I have a couple Trekkie friends who’ll probably like this, so hope you enjoy!

Star Trek Resurgence was initially announced in the 2021 Game Awards, being developed by Dramatic Lab and largely featuring staff from TellTale Games before it’s first bankruptcy.

Smash cut to right now and IGN have been handed in-progress test footage of a scene from the game (click here to view) where the player can make different dialogue choices.

Gameplay Breakdown: This is only a small section of the game, so maybe there will be different gameplay elements or more branching paths with future updates, but as-is, it seems decent. The voice acting is a good quality and the visuals are good for what amounts to a story-based v-slice with some dialogue prompts. I just hope the game lets you go full emo-Karen on everyone and see what fresh hell can happen… Is what I would say, but my ass won’t choose mean dialogue options in Persona 5 (Psst! Buy it!) after a third playthrough because of my feewingz, so there’s that!

The visuals aren’t anything too special, but are likely to improve since this is only test footage. Overall, it seems to take a lot of inspiration from Mass Effect (which you’re more than welcome to buy, wink wink, nudge nudge), so maybe the story elements will also link to a secondary gameplay loop, like action sections, puzzle-solving, sky’s the limit… Or is it? Are skies the limit in space? Is space a sky!? Are sky limits a plot by Big Space to sell more planes!? I don’t need sleep, I need answers!

Star Trek: Resurgence releases in Spring 2022 for PC, PS4, PS5, Xbox One, and Xbox Series X/S.

Product Poems:

There was once a lass so tiny, Tina. Who wonders land, borders, Tsushima? Excuse me miss, but I must dismiss your credentials from… Shujin Academia.

There was once a young woman called Aloy, who’s south-end faced west like McCoys! Surely forbidden, so purely well-hidden, till coming under Lottie‘s employ.

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The post Star Trek Resurgence Gameplay! Spock & More first appeared on Get2Gaming.

Fortnite may be a storefront with a game attached to it, but it’s my storefront with a game attached to it. Let’s break down all the cool islands, items and extras available today with Fortnite’s International Women’s Day event running from the 7th (okay, I’m a tad late, sue me) to 14th March at 8 pm ET (1 am GMT).

Item Shop Swag: Much like the pride month extras from last year, you can get 4 free items from the in-game shop.

• Per Aspera ad Astra Wrap
• Heart Sign Emote (a synced emote where the heart grows as you do it with another player)
• I Am Fearless Lobby Track(music by Emmy Meli)
• Hop and a Wink Spray

No Man is an Island… Except Sappho’s Husband:  From 9th March at 10 am ET (3 pm GMT) to 15th March at 9:59 am ET (2:59 pm GMT), players can access the Redcap Village Creative Hub, as authored by ‘dummblond’. This village hub will feature some of the best worlds and games made by women alongside a Discover page.

eRena Competitions! The women of Fortnite (from pro players to content creators) will compete in Women of the eRena (WOTE) starting Sunday 10th April at 5 pm ET (10 pm GMT). There will be three WOTE tournaments, each earning players the opportunity at a $75,000 cash prize!

Here’s to hoping Mortal Kombat gets in on the action one day with a Women of Kombat eRenas (WOKE). I mean, Jade has already been shown to be a girlboss feminist in the past (and MK11), get to it NetherRealm!

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The post Fortnite Feminists UNITE! Women’s Day Free Extras first appeared on Get2Gaming.

FromSoftware has hidden interesting secrets in OOB (that’s gamer-lingo for ‘Out of Bounds’ to you and me) game areas. Rumblings of an Elden Ring PVP DLC arriving have surfaced thanks to an OOB exploration video of Elden Ring by one Lance McDonald, trusted data-miner (and Professional Farmer Knight based on name alone)!

While no extra content has been officially announced yet, this Colosseum could alternatively be part of an upcoming DLC extension or just generally be a half-made asset left on the cutting room floor to save time. Like, there was probably some obscure as hell in-game text reference to Hogthar The Pot-Clopper being linked to a Colosseum and there was some ungodly debate among the devs whether or not there’d physically be enough space on the disk to explore the intricacies of his character with essay-long item descriptions as far as the eye could see… I’m exaggerating, but not by much!

As you know, I’m just as into teamwork and the Hashtag Power of Friendship UwU just as much as the thought of clobbering fools in the free marketplace of ideas… And by free marketplace, I mean £50-quid action game, and by ideas, I mean increasingly phallic and oversized weapons of intergalactic destruction.

Which is to say, Elden Ring already features both co-operative PVE (player vs environment/bosses) gameplay AND competitive combat modes, including the more standard “player invasions” for all you heathens, or you can partake in ‘Duel Invitations’ if you’d rather comb your handlebar mustache and wax poetic about how you studied the blade.

If you’re looking to get your mits on Elden Ring, have a butcher’s round our store for the Launch Editions!

Product Poems:

Dank Souls. Dank memes. Freddy? Liz? Dank Queens. Smash both. LEGO Ninja team.

There was once an AMIIBO called Belmont. Who loved to yeet axes in Vermont. With a whip and a thong, Chrom soon came along, and said “Lottie promised me a bouffant”!

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The post Elden Ring Hidden PVP Arena News + Vouchers first appeared on Get2Gaming.

I may be a couple years too late to say this, but in the unlikely (or likely, depending who you ask) event of a second trip to “Loch Down”, Gartic Phone (developed by Onrizon Social Games) is one of the best free-to-play games for your socially-distanced needs! And stay tuned for a few of my own Gartic Phone highlights!

First, you fire up your laptop, search for Gartic Phone via your preferred search engine, be it Bing, Ecosia, or even Rule34 if you’re in a particularly good mood and would like to ruin it! Then punch in your username, share the room link to three or more mates and Bob’s your uncle! Prepare to enter The Fun Zone!

The Fun Zone (Gameplay): First off, you get to type up a silly prompt for someone to draw. If you’re not creative enough to come up with something yourself, no trouble, an example prompt will pop up until you start typing. Once the time limit to write is finished, you then use Microsoft Paint-like drawing tools to attempt bringing someone else’s prompt to life. Alternatively, you have to guess and type in a prompt to interpret what fresh-hell of cubist insanity someone else drew before you! The end result is a show reel revealing how how hilariously right or wrong everyone got it!

The results are especially rib-tickling if you and your mates are playing with Discord or other voice chat apps in the background to get the best reactions to a picture followed by hilariously unrelated prompt or prompt followed by stick figures in awkward situations.

Various game modes with different rules or adjustments let tailor your improvised competitive shenanigan sessions to you and your friends’ preferences.

1. Normal: As discussed up-top.
2. Knock-Off: Replicate drawings while the clock gets faster.
3. Secret: Your creations are hidden till the grand finale.
4. Animation: Create animations with others.
5. Icebreaker: Ask questions and let your drawings run wild.
6. Complement: You start with basic lines and see the other players’ interpretation.
7. Score: Attempt to gain the highest score.
8. Speedrun: Speedrunning is Awesome, Here’s Why.
9. Sandwich: Start writing and drawing until the end.
10. Crowd: 15+ player battle royale!
11. Background: Create a fixed background for your animations.
12. Solo: Make animations in just five frames.
13. Custom: Does what it says on the tin!

Gartic Phone is available on PC and Mobile in many languages (including Hebrew, Persian, Korean, and Vietnamese).

The post Gartic Phone is AMAZING! Here’s Why! + Voucher first appeared on Get2Gaming.

Good morrow knavlings! Elden Ring and Souls games in general have a wealth of influences about them from mythology to manga, but now seems to be the series’ first crack at a cheeky Star Wars reference.

Not only can you make a Darth Maul build here, but you can also take to the battlefield with a certain set of fist-claws eerily similar to everyone’s favorite Canadian X-Man.

Have a butcher’s round our store if you want in on the Elden Ring Launch Editions. Now, let’s find out how to join the dark side!

Elden Ring has a variety of spells and classes you can fiddle about with to find what works for you. For the Darth Maul experience, you’ll need to look for the Twinblade and unlock the bloodflame blade ability. Once you have both, all you’ll have to do from there is put the lime in the coconut and drink em both up. Then boom, you have an in-universe lightsaber! Thanks to Professional Redditteer u/Night_Parad0x for being the first or among the first to post the results.

So I found out that using the Twinblade + Bloodflame Blade basically makes you into Darth Maul. from Eldenring

Style or Substance? The weapon-spell combination seems an effective one, mainly for DPS combat builds.It takes a lot of your stamina while active, but dishes out a lot of damage, so specializing in this early-game would basically make you a glass canon. So honestly?  A little bit of both. Plus the character creator gives you plenty of options to lean hard into the roleplaying as a true sith lord. Speaking of Sith, you can find out how to get early-game lighting powers right here!

Okay Joseph Stalling, how do I get it? First you have a gander round the middle of Agheel Lake, right by the Dragon-Burnt Ruins… Still not as cool-sounding as Avatar’s “DRAGON BONE CATACOMBS” but I’ll take it. Get to the building without an entry point, yoink yourself over the wall with your trusty steed and ey-presto, the twinblades should be chilling in a basement chest. There’s also an optional dragon boss in that area, but you’re a strapping lad with some pep in your step, I’m sure you’ll manage!

For Fighting Flame Wars: You can get the Bloodflame Blade spell by killing a Teardrop Scarab in Liurnia of the Lakes, which you can fast-travel to once you find it! There are a couple scarabs out there, so if you end up vibe-checking the wrong one, just channel your inner Wild Hunt and you’ll have the skill in no time.

Product Poems:

Apex Legends. Cokemilk Champions! Racing too? Hell yeah bro!

Gran Turismo 7. Vrewm. Shooty shooty bang-bang? Doom

There was once a young woman called Aloy, who’s south-end faced west like McCoys! Surely forbidden, so purely well-hidden, till coming under Lottie‘s employ.

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The post Elden Ring Lightsaber! How To Unlock! first appeared on Get2Gaming.

Sifu fans rejoice! The game’s official twitter confirmed that an exclusive Deluxe Edition outfit for the player will be added to the game’s first major update coming this May.

In addition, more outfits will be coming to the main game, even opening the flood gates by asking fans to share any ideas for what outfits to add! Needless to say, looks like Christmas is coming early for me, ain’t that right Wintergreen?

Like your cut G, but what do I want? I’m so glad I asked! Sure, there’s the obvious ones like John Wick, Ip Man, the Bruce Lee jumpsuit from Game of Death, but you know me, variety is indeed the spice of life. So, who else would be a good fit for Sifu?

Korra and Aang: As much of the costume suggestions are pretty male-centric, what better solution than a character who technically has ten thousand lifetimes-worth of men, ladies and enbies inside of them! And considering we’ve seen Aang at different ages throughout the series and comics, would be interesting to see gilf-Korra kicking names and taking ass.

You… Who me? Yeah, you! How are you gonna let the player choose their sex without throwing in a character customization mode? That’d be neat!

Shang Chi: For hopefully obvious reasons!

Sekiro: I mean, both games are about aging on death, feature a posture-bar system of combat and are about as hard to complete as last-minute cramming for an exam you didn’t revise for! Basically writes itself! Speaking of Sekiro, feel free to have a butcher’s at my video essay on the game!

The Mortal Kombat Method: In the event getting rights for some of these characters is too tricky, might I suggest the Mortal Kombat Method of having a standard legally-distinct Ninja suit and have various optional palette-swaps.

Jacob/Evie Frye from Assassin’s Creed: Maybe not the most period-accurate pair for the semi-contemporary setting of Sifu, but still an interesting choice for any fans hailing from “Lahn-dahn taaahn”.

And last but not least:  Epic Jackets! Because most of the time you’re playing Sifu, you’re usually only seeing the character’s back. So why not have a T-Birds leather jacket or an Akira one while you’re at it? Food for thought folks.

Product Poems:

Apex Legends. Cokemilk Champions! Racing too? Hell yeah bro!

Gran Turismo 7. Vrewm. Shooty shooty bang-bang? Doom

There was once a young woman called Aloy, who’s south-end faced west like McCoys! Surely forbidden, so purely well-hidden, till coming under Lottie‘s employ.

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The post New Sifu Outfits, Who We Need + Vouchers first appeared on Get2Gaming.

Graphic card-making company Nvidia was recently hacked by a Ransomware group that stole data, resulting in the company’s brief temporary closing.

In addition, parts of Nvidia have been ‘compromised’ due to coinciding with Russia’s own cyber warfare in addition to it’s… You know… Let’s just say the only Crazy Russian Hacker you’ll find me praising is this guy!

On the bright side, the group that hacked Nvidia has found itself getting hacked back in a fitting Karmic twist of fate. The attack is still being investigated.

Whodunnit? And more importantly, Whydunnit? Wouldn’t you like to know! Though I can’t be too mean, that’s something we have in common. The Ransomware group ‘Lapsus’ who claimed responsibility for hacking Nvidia, has posted screenshots threatening to release proprietary source code and directory listings, holding that information at a… Ransom (roll credits).

Nvidia hasn’t confirmed if it was behind the counter-hacking of Lapsus, though that hasn’t stopped them from accusing the company of being responsible.

What’s next? Well, there are optimistic and pessimistic likely outcomes to this. On the one hand, a similar cyber attack on Nvidia’s GeForce has seemingly confirmed a number of new games in development (or at the very least seemingly so). On the other hand, hacking groups like this have also caused company shut-downs (as was the case with Koei Tecmo). I’m leaning towards the positive end of the spectrum here, but time will tell.

Product Poems:

Apex Legends. Cokemilk Champions! Racing too? Hell yeah bro!

Gran Turismo 7. Vrewm. Shooty shooty bang-bang? Doom

There was once a young woman called Aloy, who’s south-end faced west like McCoys! Surely forbidden, so purely well-hidden, till coming under Lottie‘s employ.

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The post Nvidia Strikes Back! Russian Hacks and Countering Ransomware first appeared on Get2Gaming.