What a coincidence the almighty algorithm gives me this Dying Light 2 tidbit when I was listening back to old Jeremy Jahns Star Wars reviews earlier today!

Not only is this Techland easter egg an easter egg, but it’s an easter egg INSIDE of another easter egg! A Russian Nesting Doll of easter egg-ception! There’s a secret Doom level in Dying Light 2 and players can receive a special new skill by completing it, which ties into the main subject of today’s blog.

But, Stefan, how do I get it? Well, if you can’t find a copy at a local store, you can- No, how do I find the Doom level? I wanna rip n’ tear! Aaah, well sit on my knee and I’ll spill you some tea.

First off, you gotta find 5 black rubber duckies scattered throughout the map. What is the function of them? Sources remain divided. You then have to complete the quest ‘Broadcast’, then you’ll be able to enter a previously locked room once you have the ducks and BOOM, now you get to enter The Fun Zone!

A few moments later, you offer up your dark ducky offerings to a nearby pedestal, complete a challenge that sees you try to get 5 objects within a time limit while fighting zomboners with the Ka Doom Shotgun and there ya go! A shiny new blueprint that gives players the ability to go full Darth Vader on a fool and choke them like a leather-daddy on prom night.

It won’t do a huge amount of damage on it’s own, but works well for stunning enemies and even being more susceptible to damage with follow-up attacks.

Other unlockable easter egg weapons for Dying Light 2 include:

The Left Finger of GloVa: Fingerbang your enemies, shoot your shot. Inside, if possible.

Cyberhands 2177: Mantis blades belonging to a certain ‘punk’, though I could’ve sworn the date was off by… Maybe a century.

“It’s me… Marian” sneakers: Triple jump your way across the land with hardcore parkour skills strong enough to make a certain moustachio’d Nintendo mascot blush!

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The post Dying Light 2! A Cheeky Star Wars Easter Egg and More! first appeared on Get2Gaming.

It’s good to be back! I swear, you turn your back from blogs for one week and BOOM! Wordle becomes a thing, Sifu drops, Uncharted drops, it’s a veritable dropping factory as far as things to cover go!

Wordle is a new free game accessible via Facebook and Messenger. Aim of the game is that every day, you get 4 or 5 guesses to what the word of the day is. The correct letters in a certain order light up if you get close enough and BOOM: Grammar nazis everywhere finally have a socially acceptable reason to mock “there” mates for using “they’re” incorrectly! Bob’s your uncle, fanny’s your aunt!

Wordle has recently been bought out by The New York Times for a ‘seven figure sum‘ due to it’s success, so needless to say, things are good for the devs (I hope).

How did Wordle ‘Destroy’ A Criminal? Sit down and strap-on, it’s story time!

CBS has recently covered the  attempted kidnapping of Denyse Holt (no relations to Raymond, or this would’ve been a much different story). The kidnapper broke into her home stark-bollock naked with a pair of scissors, forcing Ms Holt around the house while clipping phone wires and taking any nearby knives. He also forced her to take a bath with him, but as far as I’m aware, no other physical harm came to Ms Holt.

Sometime later, Holt’s daughter Meredith was concerned that something may have happened to her Mum when she realised she hadn’t sent her her daily Wordle update in the morning. This lead to friends and family calling the police and SWAT once they found out Ms Holt wasn’t reading any messages and BOOM, she was saved by the fuzz 17 hours later.

Ms Holt is safe and the criminal has been apprehended.

What took me so long… Don’t know how much detail I can go into, but the short version is: My colleagues and I took part in a sort of ‘beta test’ for lack of a better word for an upcoming collaborative project with Go2Games and others.

What on God’s Green Earth Possessed You To Write About This Serious Topic So Flippantly: I love me some dark humour, but even I’ll admit this probably wasn’t the best thing to re-debut with. A good friend of mine is basically a Wordle weeb, but by the time I wrote out my jokes in the first half… Well… Made my bed, may as well lay in it- TO THE PRODUCT POEMS:

Cities. I’m hustling and bustling while bussy be bussin. “Daaaamn, Barbie“!

There’s an AMIIBO from Tazmilly Village. With magic so strong, he could pillage! With a thrust and some thunder from somewhere down-under, he caught a glimpse of Lottie’s cleavage.

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The post Wordle DESTROYS Criminal with GRAMMAR and LOGIC! first appeared on Get2Gaming.

Sony, your first statement after the Activision Blizzard purchase is good news? I’m so proud! So much, that I’ll keep my usual anti-corporate tom-foolery to a minimum… If I can help it.

“We expect that Microsoft will abide by contractual agreements and continue to ensure Activision games are multiplatform” – Sony spokesperson via Wallstreet Journal post.

In addition, Activision claimed no current games will be removed from their platforms (as was the case with Microsoft’s acquisitions of Minecraft and Bethesda via ZeniMax). And let’s be honest, chances of content getting removed are about as low as a contortionist playing limbo… As in limbo, not to be confused with limbo, you see…

Damnit, now I can’t stop thinking about what a contortionist gamer would look like! I’d pay good money to see a cirque du soleil gymnast play Mario Kart with her toes reaching over her back.

It’s not all sunshine and rainbow-flavored orgasms though! Since Microsoft’s acquisition, various Bethesda games still in development at time of purchase have now been routed to PC and Xbox exclusives. These titles include Redfall, Starfield and The Elder Scrolls 6. This is combined with reports that Microsoft is moving to compete with companies larger than Sony like Google, Amazon, Facebook and Apple. Possibly even rising to become the Disney of the gaming industry.

But hey, it’s not all plot-twistingly bad news either! Call of Duty is 100% confirmed to avoid Microsoft exclusivity, albeit in large part due to not wanting to miss out on that Dorito and Mountain Dew greenback… And I guess maintaining a good corporate relationship too. I know corporations aren’t your friends, but the little Humphrey Bogart on my shoulder’s telling me a beautiful friendship may be starting with Sony and Microsoft.

“I confirmed our intent to honor all existing agreements upon acquisition of Activision Blizzard and our desire to keep Call of Duty on PlayStation. Sony is an important part of our industry, and we value our relationship.” – Phil Spencer.

In similar news, Ghostwire Tokyo, a HD action FPS for PS5 (God, that’s a lot of acronyms) will be coming to multiple platforms this 2022!

Product Poems:

Cities. I’m hustling and bustling while bussy be bussin. “Daaaamn, Barbie“!

“I’m Lottie, please take me… Wait, wha- NO! Not like that, pervert”!

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The post Sony – Activision, Platforms +More: “Contractual Agreements” first appeared on Get2Gaming.

Cities Skylines, a city-building management sim from the same school of naming conventions as ‘Demons Souls’, has recently dropped new footage for an upcoming Airports DLC. Given that my oft-mentioned “dirtbag left” friend is a massive harlot for Cities Skylines, I dedicate this blog to… Miledna Whiskey (haven’t asked if I could use their real name at time of writing).

So, let’s unpack what the folks at Paradox Interactive have in store!

In this tutorial video showcasing the DLC, we see the addition of cargo airports, what they do and how they can be added. There will also be dedicated cargo streets and railways if you want to live out your efficient delivery wet dreams.

Think Postman Pat with Jeff Bezos money crafting the world around him to personally fit his ideals by delivering a satisfying service… You know, like in real life!

Perchance any Cities Skylines virgins have made it this far, first off, gold star to you! Second, if you’re looking for a masterclass in absurdist mega-brained hilarity, I highly recommend subscribing to- ME MOTHER F**KER! But also Let’s Game it Out. Lad’s videos essentially focus on taking a game’s mechanics and raw-dogging them to the absolute breaking point of their abilities! Such as when he ‘built a city where people are born to die‘… JUST LIKE IN REAL LI-

But for something less existential, his Planet Coaster and Cooking Simulator letsplays are suitably rib-tickling.

The Airports DLC will come on January 25 for all major platforms. Till then, you can buy Cities Skylines on “pisspoor”, “Xbone” and PC… That’s PS4, Xbox One and PC to you and me.

“The Airports expansion allows you to build your own airport areas, set up gates and connect them via concourse networks. Design your dream airports, from small airfields to large international hubs.” – Paradox Interactive.

Product Poems:

Cities. I’m hustling and bustling while bussy be bussin. “Daaaamn, Barbie“!

“I’m Lottie, please take me… Wait, wha- NO! Not like that, pervert”!

There was once an AMIIBO called Bowser, called Lucas to talk about flowers. With a hand-each from Lottie, Tom Nook’s favorite totty, they said “let’s give these buds a shower”.

There’s an AMIIBO from Tazmilly Village. With magic so strong, he could pillage! With a thrust and some thunder from somewhere down-under, he caught a glimpse of Lottie’s cleavage.

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The post Cities Skylines Clip Of New DLC Revealed! A Loving Homage first appeared on Get2Gaming.

John Carpenter, Professional Gigachad Director Lad behind The Thing, Halloween and They Live recently ‘twet’ (tweeting in the past-tense, you see) his enjoyment of Halo Infinite, praising the ‘immense beautiful production design’. Even calling it the best of the Halo series. And with fixes for the game already confirmed, seems the main issues with the game’s multiplayer will be getting ironed out, hell yeah!

“This is now a dream! Phew. Time to rewatch Prince of Darkness” – Frank O’Connor (Halo Franchise Director).

Elon Musk also commented, praising the Halo Infinite campaign, but as is mandated by the CEO of Antifa, I am legally obligated to direct your attentions to Abigail Thorn’s philosophical analysis of Elongated Musket and ‘tech-daddy‘ concepts in general… BUT! As someone with a couple mates who also like the guy, you may also have this cheeky partially-praising meme in his honor:

The Halo Infinite devs at 343 say the Big Team Battle mode should be getting fixed up this week, plus a ‘Halo Infinite Cyber Showdown’ event is dropping tomorrow!

The devs also announced a reduction in prices for the in-game micro-transaction store, which is all well and good… Though in mentioning this, I’m also divinely moved by the RNJesus Chr1st to remind y’all that while these things in moderation are fine, a lot of companies and games (cough, cough, loot box controversies) use predatory gambling techniques that tie the part of your brain that loves Overwatch skins to the part of your brain that responds to randomized Pavlovian conditioning!

Product Poems:

Yippee Kayay Mister Falconeer! “Astroneer, you’re mad”!

Broke: Loot Box. Woke: Loot Crate! Woker: Themed backpack for your own loot!

Hashtag Style, Hashtag Chic. Hashtag Sword? Hashtag Neat. Buy it now!

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The post John Carpenter, Halo Infinite and Roasting Elon Musk! first appeared on Get2Gaming.

🎵Kirby, Kirby, Kirby. That’s the name you should know! Kirby, Kirby, Kirby he’s the star of the show!🎵

God, I love that song! Nintendo‘s adorable maximum-pink-having cute “poyo” dispensary of a mascot will be in the upcoming Kirby And The Forgotten Land, which recently dropped a release date trailer with a couple extra details!

Kirby and the Forgotten Land will be coming to Nintendo Switch on March 25th this year! Now, before I do a 🎵breakdown, breakdown 🎵of the gameplay and trailer info, click here for a YouTube link to the trailer itself if you’re so inclined.

A Kirbian Summary of Aesthetics: Kirby and the Forgotten Land will be the titular pink ping-pong-accessory’s first foray into the world of 3D platforming. Despite some design and gameplay seemingly inspired by Mario Odyssey, there’s juxtaposition in Nintendo’s commodification of pure unadulterated wholesomeness exploring a ruined post-apocalypse with more in common with The Last of Us or Breath of the Wild than prior games. That’s a nice bit of Brechtian subversion!

Modern Nintendo and Co-Op Games; An Intellectual Critique: Which is to say, THIS KIRBY GAME WILL HAVE ACTUAL PLAYER 2 CHARACTERS and I am here for it! I’m not talking about sentient disembodied hats or sentient disembodied star people (looking at you Cappy and… the entire Luma species), I’m talking thick meaty good ol’ fashioned sidekicks! Player 2 will be able to control a Waddledee with a spear, seemingly capable of most of Player 1’s in-game abilities (copy abilities notwithstanding). Anyone who knows me knows I love me some good couch co-op fun, so that alone’s made this game hop on my radar more than before.

Kirby’s Abilities; In Conversation with Tupi Philosophy: The main mechanical selling point of this and other Kirby games is the puffball’s ability to inhale small enemies and attacks, only to either spit them back out or absorb them to transform and gain some related ability. For example: Let’s say you’re Kirby, widdle-waddling along some overgrown building when all of a sudden, you’re jumped by a fire-spewing bear-pig-man! Now, if you’re me, the only bloke in a 20 mile radius who thinks Nando’s hottest flavor isn’t as deadly as folks make it out to be, you suck that flame and BOOM. Now you’re Fire Kirby! With the ability to shoot various forms of fire at enemies, including mix-tapes!

In addition to classic abilities, other copy-abilities for Forgotten Land will include a Drill form, a gun-toting ranger and more.

Additional Modes: Players will also have the option to visit Waddle Dee Town in-game, where you can play various minigames and compete in online leaderboards. Nintendo has confirmed Kirby and the Forgotten Land will have local co-op for all previously-mentioned features (thank God) and currently, Nintendo is celebrating the 30th anniversary of the Kirby series, releasing this wallpaper to all as a tie-in.

Product Poems:

Dank Souls. Dank memes. Freddy? Liz? Dank Queens. Smash both. LEGO Ninja team.

“Annie, get your gun, gal“! Her mech appeared. “Shooty bang-bang, y’all”!

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The post Kirby: On Release Dates, Critical Theory and Features first appeared on Get2Gaming.

Fortnite? More like THORtnite, am I right? Which is to say, the Epic Games battle royale title has recently undergone some very strange updates indeed… Or, “strange” rather, given the whole Fraiser situation, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air got a Fortnite deal… Speaking of which, that new Bel-Air trailer looks pretty neat, can’t wait for that!

Okay, enough of the Fortnite-Sitcom fanfiction, GET ON WITH IT: First off, this update has seen the return of Quad Crashers, basically fancy-shmancy quad bikes that can fit two players and go vroom-vroom with the big boosty-wooshy… Yeah, they’re pretty fast.

We’ve also got a new downhill sliding mechanic, likely based on Gears of War and the season’s opening crossover.

SMG’s have gotten a new look, but shotguns have been nerfed somewhat… A moment of silence.

We’ve also got the shield keg (wrote a cheeky roast and tutorial on it here), plus Spider-Man web shooters! Yes, they are incredibly satisfying, especially since I have a raging boner for heights and high-speed fun! In the words of my dirtbag left friend, you might say those web shooters made me ‘ejacufaint’.

And last, but not least, Fortnite recently added new dynamic weather features. So, outside of the game’s day-night cycles, this also means players have to watch out for giant tornadoes and lightning-packed storms!

A Treatise on Tornadoes by Simon Swirlyman: Fortnite tornadoes appear randomly on the map at times. Players can enter them to soar through the skies and glide from (or toward) danger. You’ll get launched away if you hit the twister, but fall damage won’t affect you.

The Lightning Legitimacy by S.T Ormzie: What a coincidence, these storms ALSO appear at random! If you stay in one area of building-up blue sparks too long, then you can expect to get zip-zap-zopped and lose a lot of health. On the bright side, getting hit by lightning also unleashes your inner zoomer and increases your speed, so one player’s death blow is another player’s buff! Increase your chances of getting struck by entering a body of water under a storm cloud, but you’ll only have one chance! Get struck once and you won’t get hit again… By the same storm cloud at least.

Who wants mini roasts of new Fortnite features? Rhetorical question!

The Flare Gun: Honey, baby, you’re a glorified firefly with half the firing range and a fraction the firing speed, move over grandpa!

Tents: I don’t know what satanic ritual made it so people on the same team can’t enter the same tent to heal up anymore, but COME ON! Also had a couple tent-ownership mishaps when playing with my brother, so if someone at Epic could improve the system, that’d be greeeaat.

Ravens: I suspect these ravens must’ve been ported from America, because ever since this update started, they’ve only been dropping giant meat stacks and shotguns! Nothing else! Either that or they flew over from Raccoon City and are migrating until Capcom calls them back for a sequel!

Product Poems:

If Indie Brawlers bawl for bald ballers,  no indie Brawl baller need brawl for bauble borders.

RPG‘s, oh my RPJesus… Lost my Train sim of thought.

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The post Fortnite Thunder! Double the Lightning, Half the Grease! first appeared on Get2Gaming.

Hey Sony, how’s that Scrooge McDuckian money pool treating you after all those PS5 sales? Would be a shame if you weren’t able to keep up with the supply-demand ratio… For you at least, for us PS4 owners, this is kind of a win!

On account of PS5 consoles selling out faster than lemon sorbet on a hot summer day, Sony has announced that production of PS4 games will continue, as Sony currently can’t keep up with supply due to component restraints.

This is based on a recent Bloomberg report, which also revealed Sony intended to stop PS4 production last year! Congratulations gamers, sucking at the teet of corporate enterprise actually means the PS4 will stay relevant even longer. I’m not even being sarcastic, when the Wii discontinued it’s WiFi extras, I was mortified! So, glad that seemingly won’t be happening with the PS4 anytime soon.

As PS5 consoles require more advances microchips, PS4 production will be much easier, and we will be seeing around one million new PS4 units launched this year. Bloomberg also notes that this move will likely improve deals with manufacturing partners for Sony, so I guess it’s not a total loss for the multi-BILLION dollar company, everybody wins!

A Sony spokesperson later confirmed the Bloomberg statements of continued PS4 production this year.

PlayStation 4 consoles first released in 2013 and has since sold over 116 million units to date. In contrast, November 2020’s PS5 sales topped 10 million unit sales in a month, faster than PS4 sales in the same time since launch. Despite this, there was a dip in October sales, which lead to Sony’s chief financial officer making the following statement:

“Worldwide, there is a disruption in logistics, and mainly semiconductor device supply being constrained, and this is having a larger impact [than expected], and as you know, the hardware sales in the first quarter were less unit wise and so this is having an impact on us, and likewise for the second quarter […] “But I think that with our efforts and putting in place different measures, the PS platform momentum can be maintained, and especially to the users who are waiting for the PS5, we want to be able to supply as many PS5s as possible to our customers who are waiting – that is our thinking.”  – Hiroki Totoki.

Product Poems:

Transformers. Stylish battlefield. Decepticons go boom, yo.

Aftermath, but before science. Bibs and all. What am I? PE.

Console the console, the con sold the conned soul for consoles!

Racing, so racy, face racers-galore. Love racing, race-rating, ace-racing and more!

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The post PS5 Shortages and Sony’s Peculiar Solution! first appeared on Get2Gaming.

For the unfortunately unfamiliar: Persona 5 is a story-based game developed by Atlus. Famous on release for it’s viscerally pleasurable jazz-rock soundtrack, fresh take on turn-based Pokemon-style combat, brilliant story and all-around dripping with more style than Roadman Shaq doing the fusion dance with Sidney Poitier (rest in power king). One story mode playthrough averages at 100 hours, so it’s basically like a playable anime season… Or about one one-trillionth the length of One Piece! Speaking of manga, Persona 5 has one of those, find out more on that here!

Needless to say, I guess you could say I am a bit of a Persona 5 fan.

I finished my first playthrough around 2018 or 19, not long before I’d go to university. This was on account of not wanting to have to balance education, exercise, a part-time job and social time with their real-world equivalents! Cut to around 2020, I then did most of another playthrough to see character storylines that I didn’t explore my first time around.

Now it’s January 2022 and Persona 5 Strikers has come to PS+ for a month. I was aware that Persona 5 Strikers was made in the style of the Dynasty Warriors games, so in lay terms, the gameplay would be less turn-based strategy and more hack-n-slashy. What I wasn’t expecting was for Strikers to replicate Persona 5’s style to such a faithful degree: The slick art style, the menu interfaces, enemy health bars being shaped like hearts, the visual-novel audiobook-meets-comic cutscenes, all that good stuff. After the tutorial combat mission, the story scenes kick in and it’s all self-aware to a sacharine degree, with the in-game cast from Persona 5 reminiscing about how it’s been a long time since they hung out together. Business as usual so far, then comes a point where the main cast are talking about how they’ve been getting along with their lives… Then Ryuji, the team’s resident himbo, casually asked “what about you? How’ve you been holding up”? I then preceded to laugh out loud maniacally (lol), only to then read the three dialogue responses I could choose from. “Things are pretty nice”, “eh, it’s whatever” or “… I missed you guys”… AND THERE IT IS! That’s the moment I started crying like… Like… *insert comically hyperbolic parallel here*!

So, what have we learned from this? That it’s cool to be nostalgically passionate about something? That being wink-nudgingly self-aware and poking fun at things doesn’t make you immune to feelings? That maybe attempting to monetize real emotions (or the presentation of real emotions if you want to be cynical) isn’t always bad because it’s sometimes entertaining? In the words of Big Joel, “I don’t know, maybe”! At the end of the day, I wrote this because I had fun doing so and think maybe my way of retelling the story could be fun for you folks too.

If you want to give Persona 5 Strikers a go on Switch or Persona 5 Royal, click here for more.

Product Poems:

Dank Souls. Dank memes. Freddy? Liz? Dank Queens. Smash both. LEGO Ninja team.

“Annie, get your gun, gal“! Her mech appeared. “Shooty bang-bang, y’all”!

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The post How Persona 5 Strikers Made Me Cry! first appeared on Get2Gaming.

Hello everyone. I’ve been working at Go2Games for around 3 months. As today’s a bit slow news-wise, thought I’d take a page out of Aslan’s book and write a little on my time with the company.

How does my work… Work? I’m so glad I asked! Barring extenuating circumstances, most of my Go2Games work varies between two types of tasks. One is the comedy news blogs where I showcase my terminal addiction to “Bobbert Kotique”, anti-corporate mockery and highly suggestive poems about Lottie from Animal Crossing! The other kind of task is ‘descrips’, wherein I essentially write slightly re-worded descriptions and information about a list of products on a shared document that (I’m assuming) will be coming to the Go2Games store. For some ungodly reason, I find the descrips harder to burn through, but have been improving with them.

Why the YouTube Fetish? I have a tendency to link to and source YouTubers in alot of my blogs because inserting links from different places helps improve analytics… Somehow. Besides that, I also understand some people can be skeptical of “oh, you heard someone say that in an internet video? That doesn’t sound dodgy in the slightest”. That’s fair enough in a lot of cases, but most of the content creators I reference or enjoy also heavily cite their sources for different claims, which can SOMETIMES be a good way of separating the Weetabix from the chaff grenades. I say sometimes because blokes like Steven Chowder or Carlgon of Schmitt are also big creators who make a song and dance about having citations, but those guys have gotten their intellectual spanking from every lefty YouTuber and their grandma, so won’t dwell on them too much here. Speaking of YouTube, have a look at my channel Top-Not Analysis.

Product Poems? Really? Really, really. This blog branch of Go2Games has to make money somehow and part of that is through linking products on the Go2Games store into blogs. Some things are easier to integrate than others, so I came up with Product Poems as a fun way to circumvent that by tacking them on at the end.

In summary: Working at Go2Games has been a very fruitful and enjoyable experience. My colleagues and higher-ups have been very friendly, I’m glad to say I’ve had the opportunity to work with them.

My Top Product Poems: My only rule is I’m excluding the Lottie ones for this blog, otherwise things would get really samey really fast! If you want to hunt for them, go to the search bar, type ‘Lottie’ in the blog section and thank me later. Or click here if you want to buy your own Lottie… For the meme!

Doom Eternal. Cute inferno. Shooty-bang-bang on hell spawn, yo.

No straight roads? That’s what he said! I’ll get it! “Not at 3am hun”.

There was once a young woman named Barbie, one day she got bit by a zombie! But she didn’t turn, for soon she would learn, she had no brains- “oh, harder Harvey”!

There is no Street Fighter Five in Ba Sing Se. Shirt? What shirt? God, no!

Chronos before ashes, a God. A God before ashes? A thought.

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The post Stefan Chronicles: My Time At Go2Games first appeared on Get2Gaming.